davidd's A Doll A Day 2019

[davidd]

7 September – "I do not in the least resemble that horrid little girl!"

The Spooky Sookie Sisters dissect the trailer for the upcoming Addams Family animated feature film.

"Seriously, do the repugnant, prurient fanboys understand that Chloë Grace Moretz is no longer the 11-year old who starred in that vulgar superhero pastiche?"

"You're talking about people who think rap music and the associated 'bling' is somehow cool."

"True; so they likely do not recognize the not-so-subtle wrongness of Morticia's voice."

"Oh, you are so right! Carolyn Jones and Anjelica Huston are doubtlessly twitching nervously in their graves."

"I believe Anjelica Huston is still living."

"Well... Anjelica is a great actress, fully capable of portraying someone who is dead. And then twitching."

"This trailer makes me feel like twitching; the pacing, the fast cuts – it is entirely too manic."

"Yes, I remember how that Pokémon episode affected you."

"And that Star Wars fellow as Gomez?"

"The only Star Wars character more annoying than Kylo Ben Kenobi, no less. Why, Raoul Julia and the great John Astin must be...."

"Well, half of them."

"What do you mean? Raoul Julia is...."

"But not John Astin. In fact, he's still working. Voicing animated characters, actually."

"Whaaaat?!? Then why the [redacted]...."

"I know, I know... wait! Is that... is that David Cassidy I hear on the soundtrack?"

"I could say that is one redeeming quality, but isn't the gimmick of contrasting perky, chipper pop songs against somber, dreary images a bit trite?"

"Again, we're talking about an audience who thinks rap culture is cool, who idolize a ten year old actress who was ten years old ten years ago, and who are willing to accept the blonde girl from 'Something About Mary' as the voice of Morticia."

"Ewww! Why did you have to bring that up? That hair gel scene still gives me the heebie-jeebies! But I don't think that was the same actress."

"Does it matter? All the actresses from that era look alike, sound alike, and act alike; and none of them look, sound, or act like a proper Morticia."

"And Lurch is far too animated in animated form."

"So we're taking a pass on this one?"