Neon’s A Doll A Day… Again (2020)

[neon_jellyfish]

Thank you very much, everyone!

I'm still not quite fit, so I wasn't able to draw today (again), but I've been working on that Oddwickshire thing I mentioned earlier, and it's pretty much done, so I can post it without dying from exhaustion. I might change some parts later, though.


Day 301

Off With Your Head!

Ex³plained

Crime is rare in Oddwickshire. The land breeds people who know how to be so happy that they don’t have time for crimes, so most of the usual crimes aren’t a thing here. However, wherever there are people, wicked deeds are bound to happen, and that goes for Oddwickshire, too.

Basically, there are two types of crime.

Light Crimes

They are commited usually while affected by somethig one shouldn’t have eaten (or inhaled), and are either completely unintentional, or were intended as innocent pranks and got out of hand. Most of these can be dealt with by applying A Strict Yelling At and some community service as punishment. Occassionally a curse, but not a serious one, it will just embarrass you in front of people.

If you don’t learn and commit more crimes after that, but still only light ones, you get five normal punishments and then one more serious one, although it’s still pretty mild - decapitation. Her Insane Majesty loves this one. There’s just something about rolling heads that makes her laugh.

Because of the way the death works (or rather doesn’t work) in Oddwickshire, decapitation isn’t necessarily a death sentence. In the beginning, the convict got killed, then came back to (un)life, but now, magic axe that separates head from the body without killing the criminal is used. Again, if you don’t learn and commit even more crimes, you get multiple non-lethal decapitations (only three this time), then the lethal one, after which you have to rise from the dead (with the assistance of Schwarzgrab Funeral Home, naturally).

Basic decapitation means the head gets re-attached right away, so the criminal goes through rather stressful decapitation, then their heads and necks feel funny for a week or two and that’s it. Then there are extended decapitations - the head is kept separate from the body for a week, two moths, six months or a year. The bodies are stored in coffins in a dedicated graveyard (the heads often feel phantom cold coming from their currently-six-feet-under bodies, it’s part of the punishment), that way, the prisoners don’t tend to escape, because it’s pretty much impossible to pull off when you don’t have a body, so it strengthens the security of the Caputarium - the head prison. The heads hang on the walls on wooden mounts, like hunting trophies. The effects of prolonged capital schism are more severe, so that’s another thing that makes the punishment more stern.

The warden of the Caputarium loves music, so he created a prison choir (which might make the convicts look less like hunting trophies and more like those stupid Big Mouth Billy Bass things from early 2000s). It’s a small one, there are never that many heads, and they’re mostly terrible singers, but it’s still kinda fun. They do perform publicly now and then (the warden accompanies them on an organ or a calliope). At first, they performed arranged on candelabra, but now they have their own portable stage - it looks like a puppet theater. The candelabra are still used now and then, for nostalgic reasons.

...And then there are serious crimes.

Some people are just born that way. Even in Oddwickshire. Some people don’t do evil things because they feel that there’s no other way to solve their dire situation, or because they think they have been wronged and want to retaliate, they do it because it brings them pleasure. The more monstrous the deed is, the more pleasure it brings…

Mr. Schwarzgrab once had to resurrect a victim from just two fingers that were found.

The Gallery of Unearthly Dismays

Most of the time, the offenses you hear about are minor, and stupid more than anything else. But when a serious crime happens, it’s really serious. And it requires an equally serious punishment. Forget the decapitation, you’ll have your portrait painted. Or rather, your Portrait.

Keeping brilliant criminal masterminds in prison was demanding and annoying, they had to be fed, needed their newspaper changed several times a day, constantly tried to circumvent the magic systems and trick the guards in order to escape, and they kept piling up. Rare as they are, they’re technically immortal just like everyone else, so their numbers slowly, but inevitably grew with each century that passed. It would be easier to kill them, except they wouldn’t die. So Her Insane Majesty came up with an idea to solve all these issues once and for all - the Portrait. She hired a dark fairy with a very special talent, and ever since then, none of the serious offenders caused any trouble whatsoever.

In the process of painting the Portrait, the sinner’s soul is captured and transferred to the canvas, where it’s trapped forever. Their eyes tend to follow bypassers in a somewhat ominous manner, but that’s all they can do. The bodies are then disposed of in… Eco-friendly ways. Oddwickshire always had plenty of human flesh enthusiasts, and the people-eating village doesn’t even leave the bones.

Portraits are stored in The Gallery of Unearthly Dismays, hidden deep in the Oddwick catacombs, and the only people who know the way are the custodian, Her Insane Majesty, the artist who wishes to remain anonymous, Mr. Morgenstern and Countess von Lebkuchenburg. Even I haven’t been there, although I did get to see one Portrait before it was transported to its mysterious final destination, and I don’t think I want to see more.

Apparently, being painted in… let’s call them exceedingly uncomfortable... poses and situations is part of their punishment. Their faces are ex²pressionless (with the exception of the moving eyes), but the artist told me the souls do feel the pain, oh, that they do.

I didn’t like the smile they gave me after telling me that.

I also got to see the custodian. Except not really. I got to see their long flowing cape with a very deep hood, and how tall they are, and that maybe, just maybe the length and the sum of their fingers doesn’t quite add up. ...Or adds up too much.

I didn’t get to hear the custodian. At all. I don’t mean talking. I saw them walk, but I didn’t hear their steps, I saw their cape drag on the floor, but I didn’t hear it rustle.

I don’t think the custodian is human.

The Creeping Beauty and the Swamp of Roses

Another place that deals with serious criminals is the Swamp of Roses and its charming creeper keeper. This swamp is a natural habitat of very peculiar type of originally wild rose that had been perfected through centuries of breeding, but it wasn’t Florianne’s work this time. When I first learned that Her Insane Majesty favors roses, I thought it was romantic and surprisingly girly. Then I was shown the Swamp and I’m not so sure anymore.

These roses - creepers, not bushes - capture and entangle in their vines anyone and anything that wanders into their Swamp, tranquilize their prey with their poison thorns and then suck the life out of it until only the skeleton remains. The souls of the victims get consumed, too, so the roses are somewhat sentient. The skeletons trapped in thorny vines make for some hauntingly beautiful garden ornaments, though I guess that depends on your personal tastes.

...You’re not coming back to life when you get devoured by the roses, because technically, you didn’t die, your life was claimed and assumed by them before your body ceased to function.

The animals avoid the Swamp by natural instinct and locals know to stay away from it, too, plus, there is a way to get through more or less (well, less) safely without becoming a bony plant pole, end even if you do fall in, you can get out alive if you weren’t sent there by Her Sometimes Dangerously Sane Majesty.

One would think that since the roses devour nothing but evil souls, there would be a high chance that they themselves become malevolent. That is, however, not the case, they’re tame and well mannered, thanks to the mistress of the Swamp. She’s another dark fairy, and another one who’s real name isn’t supposed to be shared, but she’s known as The Creeping Beauty. She’s indeed very beautiful, but if your ancestors had to flee from something in past 500 000 years, your survival instincts are probably too strong for you to be able to appreciate her beauty. It’s not something you could put your finger on, nothing in her looks, her smile, her voice, or the way she moves is sinister, the dread just creeps into your mind through the back door and you know you should be running away a little bit faster than you can.

...Unless you’re Her Insane Majesty. Then you just see someone you’d like to hire.

She’s the one who’ll come to your rescue if you’re stupid enough to wander into her lovely garden. If you took precautions and carry the necessary items on you, that is. If you don’t, then welcome to your new life as a plant!

The necessary items are a whistle and an amulet that you can get from local witches - the amulet doesn’t have any standard form, they just use what they have at hand at the moment. The whistle is made of bone from… well, you can probably imagine where the bone had to be taken from. If possible, you should blow the whistle immediately (don’t worry, they are disinfected), doing that can save you before you get poisoned. If you can’t, the roses will tranquilize you with their poison, but will sense the special magic stored in the amulet as they try to eat you, which will prompt them to stop and call their mistress. You might get traumatized by the sound, but you’ll survive, and your blood, flesh, soul and your voice won’t join the other ones trapped in the vines.

Then there’s the bridge. It’s a hybrid between a bridge and a treetop trail. It’s under the tree crowns, but high enough to keep people safe from roses, except for one or two spots. OK, five or six spots. The bridge serves a very special purpose and is only opened four days a year (on solstices and equinoxes), if you want to use it on other days, you have to have a special pass. As to where it leads, well, that’s a story for another time.

There’s one more inhabitant in the Swamp of Roses - the Gardener. It’s this smelly headless… thing… that crawls around on all fours and tends the roses. It won’t harm you, it won’t save you if you get caught, it will simply ignore you, but it will most likely scare you by just being there. From what I gather, it used to be a convict who tried to free themselves by setting the roses on fire. The roses put the fire out on their own by dipping in the swamp, so no real damage was done, but the Beauty got mad and asked the Queen if she could give this individual special treatment. When she was done, she told it to make it up to her little darlings, and it’s been taking care of them ever since.

***

And that, children, is why you don’t commit crimes in Oddwickshire.

---

I'm not sure about the name of the gallery, I might think of something shorter, but I'm not sure yet. Its current name is a reference to Hieronymus Bosch's The Garden of Earthly Delights.

If you can't remember who Countess von Lebkuchenburg is, that's Rosamunda's title.

The Creeping Beauty and the Swamp of Roses were the source of my dilemma, and I have indeed decided to go with the 'crosspoint' option and make the Swamp exist in both Oddwickshire and my BJD world. The bridge will be where you pass from one world to another. The Beauty is the one who wants to be shelled as BJD, and she'll get a Pullip shell after that. I don't plan on shelling anyone else. The custodian and the Gardener are impossible to shell anyway. Though I would lie if I said I'm not intrigued by the idea of making the Caputarium choir happen.